This Could Go on Forever
by crazy.PLEASE
Summary: "He thought over everything this amazing woman was to him. Partner, friend, lover, mother, wife. Here, in this moment, everything was how it was supposed to be." A series of 1-shots through the lives of Kensi and Deeks. *strong language
1. Perfection

**So a couple people mentioned me doing a multi chapter fic for Kensi and Deeks... I don't know about that. With school and work I don't know if I could keep up with something like that. And I would just be an ass if I did a couple chapters and then left you hanging for four months or something. So this is the closest thing I'm going to be doing to multi chapter. It's just a bunch of one shots though. So even if I stop for a long period of time you're not waiting on some cliff hanger lol**

**These are random one shots. They may follow the same time line or I may change things around. So if something happens in one chapter (like them getting together one way) another chapter might be different.**

**Also... please... for the love of God REVIEW! People favorite and favorite (which I love! Thank you, thank you!) but hardly ever review! So pleaseeeee review! **

**So... disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters related to NCIS: LA.**

* * *

_"Why do we keep hitting outselves with a hammer? Because it feels so good when we stop." -Grey's Anatomy_

**_Beginning_**

Deeks isn't sure why he does it. He hates himself, every single time. Because watching her gather her clothes after, tell him she'll see him tomorrow and walk out of his house as though nothing had happened nearly kills him every time. The only thing that helps him survive is the fact that he knows she'll be back the next night.

He tries to draw up the courage to say something. Lays there, staring at the ceiling as she slips back into her clothes quietly. It's their pattern. Eat, sex, redress, leave, repeat. "Kensi..."

She turns, raising an eyebrow at his tone because it doesn't fit the forced banter they have before she leaves and says her 'I'll see you tomorrow'. "Yeah?"

He stares at her, watches her thin fingers buttom up her shirt slowly, waiting for him. "I..." He meets her mismatched eyes, sees the fear there. "I'll see you tomorrow. Your turn to bring coffee."

He pretends to not hear the sigh of relief from her. Smiles back at her when she grins widely at him. "Fine. Even though you still owe me for those donuts."

He laughs, hallow and fake as she grabs her purse. "Bye, Deeks."

Deeks. It's Marty when she's crying for him when their making love.

"Bye, Kens."

She slips out of the room, rubbing Monty's head as he follows her to the door, bouncing and his tail wagging. He comes back seconds after the door slams shut, giving a soft sigh and laying his head sadly on Deeks' lap. Looks up at him with the most depressing eyes. "I know boy... I miss her too."

* * *

She comes with burgers and beer, same as usual. He doesn't really care for the food at all anymore. All he wants is to get right to the sex now. Wants to kiss her, touch her, hold her for as long as he can. It's an addiction. A horrible, horrible addiction that he knows will end. He just didn't think it would be tonight.

He gathers her to him after she sets the food and beer down, presses soft kisses to the curve of her neck. Brushes his fingers along the bare skin of her stomach. "Deeks..." She breathes, her voice an octave higher as he nips at her earlobe, something he knows drives her completely wild. Her hands move to his chest, another gasp coming from her that excites him, encourages him to kiss up her neck, heading to find her lips until-

"Deeks, stop."

He jerks back, confused and impatient. What was she doing? This wasn't the routine that they had set in place. "Deeks..." She repeated, her hands moving to push him back, away and out of reach. "I... We need to talk."

His stomach flips and for a moment he feels overwhelming elation. She was going to do it. She was going to tell him she wanted more. She returned these crazy, insane feelings he had for her and he wanted more than sex and leaving and ignoring. She would stay tonight and he would wake up to her tomorrow and-

"I'm seeing someone."

Well, fuck. And Deeks thought her leaving every night killed him. That had been a paper cut next to this pain. A dull knife in his gut, twisting and twisting...

"Seeing someone." He repeats, taking a step back, staring at her in disbelief. "You don't... you don't go on second dates-"

"He's... it's different." She said, her dark eyes on his chest instead of meeting his eyes. He wants her to look at him, say it while staring into his eyes that this is real. But she won't look. "He's a good guy. Matt... he's a good guy. And it's going somewhere. So this... this needs to stop." She said softly, waving her hand between the two of them.

Deeks watched her for a long moment, his mind trying to work through the pain to decide exactly what he wanted to do. "Kensi..." He whispered, slipping for just a moment, longing and pain filling his voice. Her head jerked up, her eyes filled with something he couldn't quite place as they met his. "Kensi, I-"

"This wasn't anything more than sex, right?"

She stares again, her eyes watching him and waiting for whatever came next. They were hard, determined. Willing him to say yes and keep things clean and neat. So he does.

"Right." He agrees, his voice hallow, dead. He feels the knife twist again, nearly killing him. "Nothing more."

Kensi nods, breaking into a smile of relief. "Well... I'm sorry you're going to have to go back to your blow up doll." She said, her voice lighter, teasing. "But, it worked for you before."

He works his face into a smile, hoping it will pass as real. She takes it, either ignoring his pain or really not seeing it. Usually she can read him so well, even when he never wanted her to. But he has fooled her before. He hopes to God he can again.

She leaves a little while later, stating something about paper work and an early morning. He walks her out, opens the door. "This Matt guy, he really makes you happy?"

He can't help it. He has to make sure. Because if he is going to walk away, let her walk into the arms of some other guy, he has to know. Kensi smiles softly, nodding as she meets his eyes.

"Yeah, he does."

Deeks nods, muttering something along the lines of good, that's good. Doesn't even register her voice as she bids him good night, shuts the door, leaves.

He stands at the door, Monty at his feet as he hears her door slam, her car start and take off down the street. Stands and just listens as she leaves, like all those other times. Walks back to the living room, stands for a long while and smells her all around him. But he's alone. Again.

"FUCK!"

The glass breaks from the picture frame he throws, the frame bending and leaving a dent in his wall. Monty yelps, cowering behind the couch.

"Fuck." He whispers, covering his face and falling into the chair. Yanks at his hair in hopes to dull the emotional pain.

A long whine draws him out of his own head, soft fur against his knee as Monty lay his head down. "She's gone, boy. I'm sorry." He rubs the sad dogs ears, scratches his stomach. "It's my fault. I'm sorry, boy. It's my fault."

* * *

_"It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever..." -Grey's Anatomy_

**_Middle_**

Ten months, three weeks and two days. That's how long Kensi and Matt last. That's how long he has to watch her come into work happy, smiling and cheery. She doesn't even eat as much junk food anymore. Actually passes on coffee sometimes. Deeks hates it. Those ten months, three weeks and two days... they are some of the worst of his life.

He fucked some dark burnette the night after she told him about her precious _Matt. _The girl snuggled up to him after, even when he called her Kensi in the middle of it all, muttering something about how cute he was and how they should go out tomorrow. Deeks just shoved her away and ordered her to get out.

She slapped him and stormed out. Monty didn't whine when she left.

He has a string of girls for a while, all dark and burnette and no where near as amazing as Kensi. He jokes about it at work, right in front of the real women he wants. She frowns, scoffing him and teases him about how gross he is. But it doesn't seem to bother her.

4 months and three days into the Kensi/Matt relationship Sam gives him some advice. "It isn't going to solve anything, trying to make her jealous with your nasty bar girls." Sam growls, giving him a long, hard glare.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Deeks snaps, his voice harsher than he intends. Sam stares him down though, his eyes knowing and understanding. Pity was there too, which made him even more angry.

"You two are rediculous." Sam muttered, folding his arms and looking past him to Kensi. "Grow up, Deeks. Fix this. I'm sick of your moppy, pissy attitude."

He was going to try to fix it. He really was. He was working out the plan in his head. He was going to buy her lots of chocolate, work out the best way to word his confession to her so she didn't run. He had it all in his head.

Until she came into work humming, giving him a bright smile and setting his favorite donut down on his desk. "Morning!" She said, her voice so obnoxiously happy it makes him wince.

"Morning..." He mutters, causious and fearful. "What, uh... what are you all annoyingly bouncy about?"

She frowned at him, but it was fake and teasing. "Nothing! Just a good morning, partner!"

He raises his eyebrows, glancing at Callen and Sam, who looking both amused and causious. "That's all, Kensi? A good morning?" Callen asked, giving her a grin as she seats herself in her desk.

"Yes!" She sighed, rolling her eyes at him.

"Liar." Deeks teased, leaning forward and watching her. "What happened?"

Kensi looked at him, smiling mockingly. "I'm just in a good mood, Deeks. You should try it!"

They tease her, push her, ask more questions. She doesn't give in. Deeks bugs her all day, almost to the point of really annoying her, but she doesn't say a word. Doesn't tell him why. But when she gets a call from Matt, he understands.

"Yeah. I'll text you when I get off. Ummm, yeah." She mutters. Stops, listens, blushes and then glances at him. Turns away slowly as she lowers her voice. "Yeah, love you too."

The words knock the wind out of him. He can't breathe, can't think as they drive through the streets and she closes her phone with a snap. He feels her eyes on him, waits and he knows what she expects. A joke, teasing, a smartass comment. But he can't. He just... can't. He doesn't have it in him.

She tries to joke with him later about their suspects asshole of a boss, but quickly pulls back when she sees something in his eyes. The pain maybe. She doesn't try to joke the rest of the day and when they get back to OPS she seems slightly less happy.

"There is no fixing it." He tells Sam later, watching the older agent raise his eyebrow, open his mouth to say something. But just like Kensi earlier, he stops, his eyes softening.

"You're an idiot, Deeks."

He smiles sadly, shrugging. "Yeah. I know."

Something has changed now that he heard those words from her. Shifted. It takes him a week to realize he's given up. Matt… won.

That's why he flirts with the cute little blonde girl in the coffee shop. Takes her number as she nervously gives it to him, calls her a day later and takes her on a date. Then another and another.

Izzett is sweet. That is the only word to describe the tiny, blonde florist. She always smiles, is always so happy to see him. She laughs at his jokes, never once has she punched his shoulder when he teases her. Her kisses are even sweet. Soft and gentle, tasting like cherry. Deeks likes her. He really does.

But he only likes her. He hates himself for it. But he stays with her, hoping maybe, just maybe that will change.

And then, ten months, three weeks, and two days to the dot, Kensi is on his doorstep with food and beer. But he doesn't answer, Izzy does.

He panics for a moment, realizing how bad it looks having another extremely beautiful women show up at his door with food and beer and panics even more about what on Earth Kensi is going to think. Why, why did she have to decide to start hanging out with him on a night Izzy was here?

He's told Izzy about Kensi, of course. He's gotten calls from his team mates and partner before in front of her. She's listened to him joke and tease Kensi on the phone. He explained she was a co-worker, good friend. He never quite got around to the ex-friends with benefits part or how he was pretty sure he was in love with her. Just didn't seem the right time…

Kensi stares between the two of them, something odd on her face as she stares at him. It passes to quickly for him to understand before she puts on a smile. "Sorry… I should have called."

"No, uh… it's alright." He said, standing behind Izzy's small form nervously. He glanced down at her pale, heart shaped face, long blonde curls and bright green eyes. "This is Izzy. My girlfriend."

Izzy smiles, pleased. It's a term they agreed upon just two months earlier and she always got so happy when they introduced each other to people. It only made him feel even more horrible. "You're Kensi right?" Izzy greets, smiling widely at Kensi. "It's so nice to meet you! Deeks always talks about you!"

That was a bit of an exaggeration. Deeks told her basics, mentioned her in passing, but never detail. It's not something he wants to discuss with a girl he is trying his hardest to be with. But yet again, Izzy was being kind.

Kensi smiles, glancing back up at him. "Um… yeah. I'm Kensi. It's… it's uh… nice to meet you." Her dark eyes travel between the two of them, searching for something before she takes a step back. "Sorry, I should go. You guys obviously have plans and stuff…"

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Deeks said, quickly cutting Izzy off before she tried to invite Kensi in with them. He just wasn't ready for that right now. "I know Sam and Callen talked about going to the bar tomorrow. If you don't have plans with Matt…"

"No more Matt." She said, giving him a sad sort of smile. Deeks stopped, not sure what to say, what to do. He opened his mouth to ask, to try to know what happened but remembered as she shifted, looking nervously between the two, that Izzett was still there. "I'll just… I'll go. I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow Deeks."

_Fingers smoothing down hair, pulling pants back on. "I'll see you tomorrow Deeks." _

"See you tomorrow."

* * *

Kensi began to come to his apartment more often now, but there was always a call first. She never went into detail about her and Matt, instead avoided the subject at all cost. Deeks could never figure out why. If had ended badly, he was sure she would have been eating her junk food and chocolate, would have gone on some shopping spree. But nothing was different. She was a bit less happy, but nothing more than that.

They were friends again. Like before. Before Matt, before the sex. Just friends, just partners.

Whether Izzy saw past his flimsy excuse of 'hanging with friends' on the nights he would hang out with Kensi, he never knew. She always smiled, nodded and told him to have fun. Kiss him and taste like cherry. He felt horrible, but Kensi… she was his addiction after all.

He would bring her around the team sometimes out of guilt. She always talked about meeting them, wanting to get to know the people he was closest too. So he brought her and introduced her to Sam, Callen, Nell and Eric. And Kensi, you know Kensi.

Izzy was sweet and kind and fit right in. The whole night, he sat on the edge of his seat watching Izzy and Kensi nervously. It was so odd to see the two of them sitting right across the table from each other. It was even more surreal to watch Kensi engage her in conversation, smiled with her and talked about how they both had a mutual love of the Titanic.

"I like her. She's way better than some of those nurses or trashy girls you always go after." Kensi stated one night, giving him a teasing smile and nudging him with her elbow.

"Thanks." He muttered, rolling his eyes at her. Kensi laughed, sipping her beer.

"I'm serious. She's really nice." Kensi said, pausing to scratch Monty's ear. "You and her are really serious though?"

There was something in her tone that made him turn and meet her eyes. He felt suddenly nervous, like this question would make or break something. What, he wasn't sure. He wanted to lie for a moment… but after a long pause he nodded. "Yeah. She's… good, ya know?"

Kensi smiles, nodding her head slowly. "Yeah." She mutters, turning away from him. "That's good."

"Yeah… good."

He feels even more horrible after that conversation for some reason. Lying to Kensi seemed almost worse than lying to Izzy. Which made him feel even more horrible. It was a never ending cycle and after another month, he knew it had to end. A girl as good as Izzy didn't deserve a guy stuck in love with his best friend. So he would end it.

But to his surprise, Izzy got there first.

They were at the very coffee shop, sitting at the table she loved by the window. She seemed nervous, shifting in her seat and biting her lip as she lay her hands out on the table, meeting his eyes. "Marty, we need to talk." Her voice wasn't shaky like he expected, but quite formal. Business like.

"Those aren't good words." He mumbled, taking a sip of his coffee and watching her.

"I think they are though, in this situation." She said, giving him a sad little smile. "Marty… I think… I just…" She sighed, tugging on one of her curls like she did when she was nervous. "I think we need to end this. I think we need to end this and you need to tell Kensi that you want to be with her."

Deeks blinked at her, nearly choking on his coffee as the words leave her mouth. He feels the guilt well up, filling him as he meets her eyes. "Izzy… I-"

She holds up a hand, tilting her head and smiling at him sadly. "It's okay, Marty. If you were an asshole, I would be a bit madder about this… but…" She sighs, folding her hands. "You tried to put your heart in this. I can see that. You're such a good guy and you tried. So… it hurts… but it's alright."

He sighed, running his hand through his hair slowly. God, he was an asshole. Izzy, sweet Izzy, was all but shoving him at Kensi. And worst of all, she was telling him it was okay after months of stringing her along. "I'm sorry." He said softly, meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry Iz."

She smiles at him, her red lips bright against her pale skin. "She's lucky. You really care about her."

He dips his head, running his thumb over his coffee. He had never told anyone exactly about his feelings for Kensi Blye. The exchange between him and Sam was as close as he had ever gotten. "I tried with this. I didn't want to feel that way about Kensi anymore… but-"

Izzy smiles sadly, reaching out to take his hand. "The only way I'll be mad about this, the only way I'll think you're a real jackass is if you don't tell her. I'm being a pretty big person and telling you to go get with another girl. I'm being very mature, so you owe me." Deeks looks at her, grinning as she gives him her best stern, serious look. So he nods, pays for her coffee and hugs her to him to apologize yet again. She just shoves him with surprising strength for someone so small and tells him to go get Kensi.

It doesn't happen right off. He doesn't run to work and make some dramatic speech and declare his undying love in front of the team, like one of her cheesy chick flicks. Instead he eases into it, pulls her back slowly. Tells her him and Izzy broke up. Hangs out with her. Tells her he missed her. Begins to flirt with her again. Buys her favorite chocolate bar in the mornings. Then one night he kisses her, slow and soft. It's not hurried like when they had sex, but filled with everything he wanted her to know.

And she didn't run. She didn't try to jump in bed with him like all those months before. Instead she smiled at him, taking his hand and telling him the food is getting cold. He smiles, because he knows she's alright because she stays, snuggles close to him that night during the movie and then kisses his when she leaves. More kisses are exchanged in the next few weeks, more hand holding and flirting. And then one night she leans back after another kiss between movies, lays her hands on his chest and says, "We're doing this aren't we? Me and you, together? Us?"

He smiles, laying his forehead against hers. "Yeah. We're doing this. Us."

"Us." She repeats, kissing his lips again. "Good. Good."

* * *

_"And I think we're one of those couples who'll have a long story when people ask how we found each other. I will see her every now and then, and maybe one year she'll be with somebody and the next year I'll be with somebody and it's gonna take a long time… and then it's perfect. I'm in no rush." -Michael Scott, The Office_

**_Ending_**

Deeks knows something is off the minute he walks through the door and is greeted by silence. It was Kensi's week to leave from work early, picking Kynsley up and taking her home for the few hours Deeks stayed to work later. It was a system Hetty had set up herself, handing them both a neat, colored calendar schedule to each of them the week Kensi had come back from maternity leave. They stuck to it when they could, enjoying the time they had with their daughter after hard cases.

Kynsley usually greeted him at the door on Kensi's weeks, running to him and hugging him around the legs before he gathered her up and kissed her cheek. It was a ritual he enjoyed more than anything and even after the worst cases, the most horrible murders, he was completely happy when he saw his little girl running to him.

Monty greeted him this time, sniffing at his feet and watching him with his tongue out. "Nobody home, Monty?" He asked, scratching the old dog's ears. "Where is everybody?"

That's when he heard it, a high giggle to his left. He recognized his daughter's laughter immediately, turning toward the sound quickly. "Hmm, did everybody leave us, boy?" He said, heading toward the noise, glancing around. "Mommy and Kynsley sneak out of here?"

Another giggle, louder this time. He turned, smiling as he heard something shift in the closet, a whisper coming from inside. "Guess we'll have to go look for them, won't we?" He sighed, gently wrapping his fingers around the knob. He jerked it open, laughing as Kynsley gave a scream of excitement and Kensi's laughter joined his. "Well, what do we have here?"

Kynsley giggled, hugging a wrapped box to her chest and standing quickly. "Daddy!" She squealed, delighted and as she greeted him, shoving the box at him. "Happy Birfday, daddy!"

He smiled, glancing at Kensi as he took the box gently. She smiled at him, standing and dusting herself off. "Surprise." She smiled, gathering Kynsley in her arms.

"I told you I didn't need anything…" He started, but she shook her head, smiling.

"Kynsley made it all. Well… almost everything." She said, smoothing their daughters wild curls down. She squirmed impatiently, patting the box.

"Open, daddy." She ordered, blue eyes hard and impatient. Oh, she was Kensi's daughter…

"Alright, alright." He said, moving to the couch and tearing away the wrapping paper. He took the blue bow, setting it on Kynsley's head and earning another laugh from her. The box held a few things. The first he saw was a picture with sloppily drawn stick figures in front of a house. He identified himself from the mop of blonde hair and a surf board, Kensi right next to him and a little Kynsley next to the stick figure Monty. "Did you do this?" He asked Kynsley, smiling at her as she nodded proudly. "No way. Look at that Kens, looks just like you!" Kynsley giggled, pleased as he pressed a kiss to her hair. The next was a crown, the words Happy Birthday! written in Kensi's neat writing with jewels drawn by Kynsley. He shoved it on his head, wearing it to the side since it didn't quite fit.

He thanked Kynsley, hugging her to him and pressing a kiss to her hair. She hugged him back, smiling widely and slipping off his lap to pull him into the kitchen. "Cake, daddy!" She said, opening the fridge and pointing to the round iced cake in the fridge.

They ate cake, went to the beach for a late night walk with Monty, the birthday crown tilted on his head as they walked. Kensi took a picture of the three of them, smiling and happy, before they headed home for Kynsley's bed time. He kissed her good night, thanking her again and tucked her into bed tightly.

"You really do look so good in that." Kensi smiled, taking the crown from him and setting it on top of their night stand.

"It compliments my eyes, I think." He said, grinning as she laughed. He leaned forward, pressing a lingering kiss to her lips as he moved into bed. "Thank you, Kens."

"You haven't even got my present yet." She smiled, her lips curved into a seductive smile. He stopped, watching her as she lifted her shirt slowly, shimmied out of her jeans.

"God, Kensi…" He moaned, grinning as she moved to straddle him in the sexy black lingerie he had admired at the mall a few weeks before. Kensi had scoffed him, slapping him and pulling him along toward Kohl's. She had paid attention though…

She kissed his neck, his jaw, his ear. "Happy Birthday." She purred, her fingers unbuttoning his jeans quickly.

"You gonna call me daddy too?" He asked, laughing when she pinched his arm and snorted.

"Marty!" She laughed, pressing another quick kiss to his lips before laying her forehead against his. "I love you."

He closed his eyes as he heard these three words, ran his hands gently over her arms and enjoyed the feel of her body against his. Thought over everything this amazing woman was to him. Partner, friend, lover, mother, wife.

Here, in this moment, all he could think about how long it took to get here. Here, they were together, their child in the next room. Everything was how it was supposed to be. Even with Matt, with Izzy, with their fights…. They had made it here.

"I love you, Kens. More than anything."

They made love, slow and incredible. After, she lay her head on his chest, muttered another 'I love you' and quickly fell asleep. But Deeks lay awake, smiling and listening to her even breathing. Because this moment, right here, was perfect.

**Review please! I'll get the next chapter out a bit sooner if you do ;) **

**Hope you like it. It was a bit depressing at places, but it got a happy ending! :)**


	2. All Bets Are Off

**So a giant thank you to those of you who reviewed! I appreciate it! **

**So here is chapter 2! I thought I would make this one a bit more fun since the last one was slightly depressing :) Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own NCIS:LA**

"I'm getting real sick of it. I don't know how much I can take it."

"Come on, Sam. It's kinda funny to watch. I mean, look at them."

"I don't wanna look at them, G. And I sure as hell don't want to listen to them anymore." Sam paused, glancing at the younger agents in the corner bickering, Kensi's voice carrying across the space as she snapped at Deeks. "You should be just as concerned, you know. You put down 8 months on the bet. You're about to loose some money if they don't get together in the next week."

G Callen stopped, turning to glance at his partner. Sam folded his arms, smiling at G smugly. "I was so sure the sleeper agent case would do it last month." G muttered, shaking his head as the two headed there way, Kensi looking extremely irritated as Deeks trailed behind her, smiling and muttering something in a teasing tone.

"Just shut up about it, alright? I'm done with this conversation. Done!" Kensi snapped, dropping her bag near her desk, seating herself in her chair and turning away from Deeks.

"All I'm saying is, you could do a guy a favor. I mean, just throw my name into the conversation. Talk about how cute I am-"

"I am not setting her up with you! I will not put her through that kind of torture!"

Deeks opened his mouth to say something before a high pitched, annoying whistle sounded. All four of them turned, glancing up at Eric as he declared that they had a case. Sam watched Deeks and Kensi walked up the stairs, still arguing. He turned toward Callen before heading up himself. "It didn't. And if you don't hurry up, you're out 70 bucks."

Callen frowned, irritated as he walked up the staircase after his partner. Maybe he should step in...

The first case he interfered by persuading Hetty to have them stay in a hotel as a couple for the whole two nights, waiting and staking out the suspect from there.

Deeks came back waving around the number of the female masseuse at the spa, grinning cheekily as he bragged about her soft, soft hands. Callen hated the smug look on Sam's face.

The case after that he had them pose as a couple out at the club. Took his turn smiling at Sam as Kensi and Deeks danced, Kensi's body pressed against Deeks and Deeks hands all on her waist. "Money is mine." He bragged, leaning back in his chair before the suspect headed out the back door and they had to move.

Sam grinned at him later as Deeks came in after Kensi, looking irritated. "We were supposed to be a couple out on the town. Maybe you shouldn't have been all smiling and flirting with the guy at the bar!"

"What money?" Sam asked, strutting past him and laughing.

By the time the 8 month mark rolled around, Callen was feeling pretty low about his chances at the money. In fact, he had all but given up on the two younger agents getting together on his time line. And it wasn't the bickering that got to him, it was Sam and his cocky attitude and smug smiles.

Until they got locked in the evidence locker of the F.B.I during a case. Nell would have had them out in an hour tops, but Callen had snuck her a twenty to make it last a couple hours longer. So he waited, sure this would do it.

"Really, Mr. Callen?"

G turned, glancing down at the tiny Hetty Lang as she watched him through narrowed eyes. "Is there a problem, Hetty?"

"This sort of behavior is beyond you. I let it go when you stuck them in that hotel and had them at the club, but locking them in a room for several hours?" Hetty sighed, shaking her head slowly as the older agent folded his arms.

"Nell was having a hard time with the security. I can't help that." He said, shrugging. She gave him a small smile, tilting her head to the side and watching him for a long moment. So long it made him squirm. "Come on, Hetty. You can't tell me the bickering and fighting isn't getting you too. I mean-"

"You want your money, from the bet you and 15 others in the office made. Quite a pot going there."

Callen shifted, folding his arms and sighing. "I'll tell Nell to let them out."

"Very good, Mr. Callen." Hetty smiled, patting his arm as she walked away. Callen sighed, shaking his head.

There went 70 bucks.

* * *

"You know, I think we should never tell them. Callen basically put us in a four star hotel for two days just to get us together. Its like a nice little vacation." Deeks said, grinning as he opened the bag, changing quickly into his pajamas. He turned, watching Kensi pull some shorts and his old LAPD tee shirt on. She turned back toward him, pulling her hair up and tying it into a messy bun.

"Except we're working." Kensi reminded him, walking past him toward bathroom but stopping as he caught her around the waist, pressing a kiss to her neck as she giggled.

"Michaels just took those two women into his room. I think he'll be held up in there for a couple hours. So..." He pulled her to him and pressed another kiss to neck before dipping down, searching before he pulled out what he was looking for from his bag. "I think we should enjoy our hotel room." He whispered, holding out the familiar fuzzy leopard hand cuffs and smiling at her. She laughed, shaking her head at him as he gave her a suddenly serious look. "It's what Callen would want."

She smiled, watching him give her a pleading look as he twirled the handcuffs. "Only," She muttered, reaching out and snatching the handcuffs from him, slowly backing away and pulling her shirt over her head, "if you promise to never, ever mention Callen when were about to jump into bed again."

Deeks nodded, his hands finding her hips as she straddled him. "I'm sorry, Agent Blye." He said, giving her another lingering kiss. "Are you going to spank me?"

All that he heard was Kensi's delicious laughter in his ear.

* * *

Oh, she was teasing him now. Just teasing him and trying to break him. Or kill him. He wasn't sure.

She knew how he felt about that dress. She had bought it just because of how much he had gone crazy over it. Short and tight, it hugged her in all the right places and showed off her dark, long legs. It took everything he had to focus on their suspect and not grab her and take her to the coat closet and rip that dress right off her.

And now she was dancing all over him. Her hands were all over him and... God dammit if she hadn't put on his favorite perfume too.

He squeezed her waist as she turned, her back against him and he heard her laughter in his ear. "You're killing me here." He whispered into her ear, squeezing her waist tighter as she pressed against him more, laughing.

"You said to put on a show." She said, turning and wrapping her arms around his neck, playing with the hair on the base of his neck. "Just doing what you asked."

"You're the devil." He snapped, laying his forehead against hers, his lips so close to hers he could almost taste her. "The devil and I hate you."

"I'll remember that when we get home tonight. And here I am wearing this dress just for you."

Her fingers ran down his chest before glancing over his shoulder at the sound of gunshots. "Well, we gotta go."

She slipped away, grinning at him before heading toward the back door, pulling her gun from the strap around her leg. He groaned, shaking his head before following after her.

* * *

"So..." Deeks muttered, shifting uneasily in his seat, glancing at Kensi and then back at Hetty. "Are we in trouble here? Because... I mean... we didn't do anything to get locked in there-"

"Oh, I know Mr. Deeks." Hetty said, taking a long sip from her tea before looking between the two agents. "I think we both know who was behind that. Or at least behind the four hours you spent in there."

Deeks glanced at Kensi, sharing a knowing look before looking toward Hetty. "Um..."

"You know, don't you?" Kensi muttered, running a hand through her long curls. Hetty stayed silent, watching the young women as she squirmed in her seat. "You know and you know about Callen and his little plans."

Hetty smiled, taking another sip of her tea as Deeks stared between the two of them with wide eyes. Looking slightly panicked and cornered as the team leader nodded slowly, laying her hands on the table.

"I believe this has been going on for... 5... 6 months?" Hetty said slowly, watching the two of them.

"Um... see, we... ha... it's-" Deeks stuttered nervously.

"Seven months." Kensi corrected.

"And it is not technically against the rules-" Deeks started, but was quickly cut off by Hetty raising her hand.

"I'm not here to reprimand you, Mr. Deeks." She assured him, smiling kindly at the two. "However, I do think perhaps it is time to tell your other team mates. Mr. Callen's little shenanigans are getting a bit... distracting. So..."

"You want us to tell Callen and Sam." Deeks said slowly, shifting nervously in his chair again. "Um... I don't... we..."

"Alright."

"What?" Deeks muttered, turning toward his partner and raising an eyebrow. Kensi glared at him, rolling her eyes.

"We eventually were going to have to. I mean, what did you expect?" Kensi muttered, shrugging and then turning back to Hetty before Deeks could cut her off. "We'll, um, we'll tell them."

"Very good." Hetty said softly. "That's all."

Kensi nodded, quickly shoving Deeks out of his seat and heading back toward their desks. Hetty grinned as she heard Deeks and Kensi argue all the way back to their desks, enjoying another sip of her tea.

* * *

"How the hell did those two go for _seven months-" _

"That puts me for the money! I said that it was going to happen within three months of when we all set up the bet so..."

"No way. You were together for two months by the time your guess."

"Better than you! You guessed another year."

"Eric," Sam snapped, cutting off the several agents gathered around Eric and Nell, "just tell us who won the money, alright? I mean, I think we all know who guessed right-"

"Who? You?" Callen muttered, rolling his eyes at his partner. "If anyone was closest it would be-"

"Me, Mr. Callen."

All ten agents turned, glancing at the small, smiling team leader. She stepped forward, moving past the several agents gathered before holding her hands out to Nell.

"What?" Callen asked, looking affronted as Hetty folded the money carefully, tucking it away in her pocket. "You... you weren't even involved-" He started, ignoring the agents that walked away, grumbling and muttering to each other as they left, leaving Sam, Eric, Nell, Hetty and him behind.

"Actually, she put in 50 dollars... that they were already together when the bet was taken... so... Hetty won." Nell pointed out, grinning as Callen continued to stare at Hetty in disbelief.

"And you knew, when I put them in the hotel, when they went to the club..." Callen muttered, glaring as she watched him, looking amused and smiling. Sam was already shaking with laughter, watching his partner pout.

Hetty slowly walked out the door, pausing only to say, "Don't worry, Mr. Callen. You still have a chance to win on the bet on Ms. Jones and Mr. Beale."

The door closed behind Hetty, but not before she heard a stuttering Eric trying his very best to make that possibility sound completely ridiculous.

**Please review and I hope you enjoyed! **


	3. Possibilities

**So this kind of references my other story Kinder. You might want to read it, but this explains the gist of what happens in it. If you want to read it though, you can ;)**

**Disclaimer: still don't own it :/**

Deeks had seen dead children before. Of course it haunted him, those little kids with blank eyes and pale skin. But he pushed them out of his head (took a little more time, he'll admit) at the end of the day like all these others. Would surf, or jog, or throw a stick at the beach with Monty. Eventually those blank eyes wouldn't come to his mind every time he closed his eyes and he could breath a little easier. He supposed it was easier for him than others because he didn't have kids, didn't even have a niece or cute cousin he thought of when he saw those kids in the pictures.

Until now, at least. Now, as he saw the picture of Sophia Monroe, a cute little red head with corkscrew curls, large blue eyes and a slit throat all he could think of was the sonogram picture in a frame on his desk. All he could think of was Kensi, a mere three feet behind him, her stomach round and full with his baby inside her. He felt a terrible fear fill him as Eric explained that this little girl, 9 years old, was held hostage with her parents. Tortured in front of them to get the information they needed before they killed the two of them as well the girl when they got what they wanted.

God, he was going to be sick. All he wanted right now was to grab Kensi, shove her in his car and drive far, far away.

He turned, glancing at her as they all got their jobs and were sent to it. He saw the fear in her eyes despite how hard she tried to hide it. Tried to catch her eye, give her some sort of smile to let her know it was okay, but she didn't look. Just turned away, heading toward her desk where she would be working until they brought someone to the boathouse. It was the only two places she was allowed since she had told Hetty they were having a baby.

He felt his stomach twist, knowing immediately that this case had scared her too.

He knew it would, he just wished she would look at him and let him reassure her.

She didn't meet his eye as he bid her goodbye, not even when he stopped to press a kiss to the top of her head. He even promised to stop and get her a large kit kat and recess blizzard, her new favorite craving and got nothing but a stiff smile and a jerky nod.

They quickly caught up with their first suspect, Sam taking him down and shoving him into the car to take him into the boathouse. Kensi didn't come down this time, which further unsettled Deeks since she was more than eager to come down nowadays to watch an interrogation to get even a little bit of action. So Deeks sat alone with Sam to watch the interview, missing his fiance now more than ever.

"It gets a little easier."

Deeks turned toward the older agent, taking in the stiffness of his shoulders, his clenched hand. He felt suddenly selfish, remembering just now that Sam had his own children. Olivia, only 10, who had loved Monty and begged Sam for hours if they could get a puppy too and Taylor, six and one of the cutest kids he had ever seen. He hadn't even thought of how this was sitting with him.

"Seriously?" He asked, looking back toward the open file on the table, taking in the sight of Sophia, alive and smiling. "How? All I can think about is how easy this could be us."

Sam sighs, his fingers unclenching and clenching again. "The first dead kid I saw after Olivia was born I went home and held her the whole night. Wouldn't let her out of my sight. I had to make sure she was there and still breathing." Sam paused, shaking his head as he turned the picture toward him, his eyes dark. "It was hard to leave her the next day. But I had to get it threw my head that my little girl was still there. You have to understand that at the end of the day your kid is still alive. You can't get caught up in this or else it'll drive you insane and you'll miss to much of their lives because of it."

Deeks ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head. "We talked about the problems that would come up being parents while working this job. We weren't stupid about it. But it doesn't really hit you till..."

"Till it's right in front of you." Sam finished, nodding slowly. "I know."

Luckily Eric chose that time to draw them both out of their heads, alerting them to the fact that their current suspect had an alibi. Deeks ground his teeth as Nell showed them the footage of the man at a club, dancing with some trashy looking girl and getting drunk off his ass at the time of the murders. And they were back out there...

* * *

Deeks doesn't think he has ever been so happy to see a man punched out by Sam. Its a hell of a punch, probably breaking the piece of shit's jaw. And Deeks sure as hell doesn't feel bad when he 'accidently' bangs his head on the car while shoving him into the back of the car.

He confesses quickly when he finds out how much they have on him. It sickens Deeks how eager he is to tell them, recounting the way Sophia's mother screamed and how quickly the little girl dies with a twisted smile on his face. Now Deeks regrets the punch Sam got, only because he wished it had been him.

Kensi is waiting back at OPS, her bag on her shoulder and her face blank as he greets her with a kiss. She takes it, staring at his chest as she shoulders her bag. "Can we go?" She asks, quickly turning on her heel and moving surprisingly fast for a women who is 29 weeks pregnant when he nods. He feels Sam and Callen's eyes on him, but doesn't look, not ready to listen to their questions that he doesn't have answers for. He knows Kensi is scared, but her coldness makes him wish yet again that he could read the women's mind. God... how much easier his life would be then...

They drive together in silence, techno music in the background. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, taking in the way her jaw was clenched, her brow furrowed and her hand rubbed gentle circles on her belly as she stared out the window. She was out of the car as soon as it was stopped, heading toward their house and inside quickly. He followed after her slowly, gathering himself before opening the door, listening closing to figure out she was in the bedroom.

He found her on the bed, Monty at her side, only lifting his head from her lap briefly to turn and throw what Deeks swore was a glare in his direction. He swore up and down that dog loved Kensi ten times more than him even way back before they had started dating. He followed her around, taking every opportunity he could to lay with her and get a belly rub.

He set his bag down slowly, moving around the bed to sit next to her, his heart sinking as he saw the picture she held in her hands. Even though it was a sonogram, he knew it wasn't the baby she was carrying now. No, it was the baby they never got to meet, never got to know.

"Kensi..." He whispered, gently reaching out to touch her shoulder. "Kens... I know-"

"I always thought this baby was a boy. I don't know why but in my head, whenever I thought about it... I always thought 'he'." She whispered, her voice eerily even and calm as her fingers ran over the picture, tracing the small white spec. "I feel like I was right to, cuz I thought this one," she paused, her hand finding its way to her stomach, "was a girl. And she is. She's a little girl. Like Sophia."

Her mismatched eyes met his for the first time that day and he saw the fear, the pain there. It overwhelmed him for a moment, held him frozen, just staring at her as the tears filled her eyes. He couldn't move, couldn't think as he watched her pull the sonogram closer, close her eyes and sighed. "What if that is us, Marty? What if we loose her like that? This baby was hard enough-"

"Kensi, stop. Stop." He said, his voice sharp and loud in his ears as he snapped out of it, taking the sonogram and setting it to the side. "We can't think like that." He muttered, trying to grab her and hold her but she shoved him away, standing suddenly and shaking her head.

"What else is there to think about, Marty?" She snapped, her hands moving over her stomach, protective. "It's bad enough to think that any day a stray bullet could take you away from me, but to loose her like that? Are you telling me you can just shrug that off-"

"Jesus, Kens, no! I can't even wrap my mind around that!" He said, shaking his head, trying to get rid of the image. A little girl, mismatched brown eyes and blonde curls, her eyes blank, staring ahead... "Kensi, this scares me just as much as you, okay?"

"We didn't think this through. We were just upset about loosing the first baby-"

"Kensi, stop!" Deeks cried, standing and grabbing her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. The tears in her eyes, the way she looked at him, so scared and broken, nearly undid him but he took a deep breath, steadied himself. He owed her that much. He would be her anchor right now because that was his job, his duty to her and this baby. Kensi was always so strong and it was rare for her to stop and let herself really express her pain and fear. It took her a long time to allow him to see her like this and when she did he always made sure to be solid and strong for her. "Kensi, we knew how dangerous it would be for us. We talked about that when we found out you were pregnant the first time. We knew what we were doing when we agreed to have her." He paused, his own hand finding her stomach, pressing it to where their baby lay safe and alive. He felt her move, bouncing with what he now recognized as hiccups. "Kens, I swear to God that I'll do _everything _I can to protect her, to protect the both of you. We both will. We'll teach her jujitsu and how to shoot a gun and make her into a little ninja, Superwomen just like her mom." He paused, taking in the little smile now on her face. "We'll make sure she's protected, okay? That's all we can do. But we can't sit here driving ourselves crazy, Kens. We have to let cases like this go because in the end when we go home, she will be there. And we have to be thankful for that."

Kensi sniffed, staring at him for a long moment before she leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "We're putting a gun in her diaper bag when we take her to daycare. And we could get a guard dog."

Deeks laughed, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her to him. "Wow. Just slap Monty across the face, why don't you?"

Kensi smiled, small and unsure, but it was a smile. And she hugged him (best she could with her belly) her hands tight around him. "I'll always be terrified."

"I know. I will be too." Deeks assured her, rubbing her back gently. "Sam, he says it gets a little better."

She sighs, her head laying on his shoulder. "I hope so." She pulls back suddenly, turning and looking at Monty on the bed, sitting and watching the two of them. "I don't think he'll mind if we get an actual guard dog. He's still my favorite, but I mean... he is retired with Puppy Traumatic Stress Disorder."

Deeks laughed, kissing her forehead as she smiled at him. "I think he'll be okay with it. He can just be the one who gets his tail yanked and his fur ripped out."

Kensi laughed, clear and sweet as she reached for Monty, rubbing his ears and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "You okay with being her play thing, hmmm? You'll be her little buddy, wont you?"

Deeks smiled, watching as Kensi continued giving Monty a belly rub, her other hand resting on the gentle curve of her belly and he knew she would be better.

He wasn't an idiot. The fear of losing their child would forever be in the back of their mind, always a terrifying possibility that could become reality at any moment. But even with it there, haunting them, they would enjoy the time they had with their daughter at home, safe and happy.

He would leave the case at the door. Because for years now he had let the term cop define him, but now he was a dad, a father. And to him, this was the new term that defined him.

And he was just fine with that.

**Review please :)) Thanks!**


	4. Reconnection Part 1

**This is a two part story line. I decided to put both from Kensi's POV since I haven't done any of them from hers yet. **

**Thank you to those of you who have reviewed and favorited :)) I really appreciate it! Keep it up! **

**Disclaimer: don't own anything**

Kensi knew from the moment she saw Deeks at his desk before her, working and ready for the day before she had stepped through the door that something was wrong. Deeks was never, ever early, which made this a surprise to the whole group of them, but what was even weirder was how tight jawed and emotionless he was when Kensi teased him about being there before them. He didn't even throw a smile her way when she said some joke about getting his lazy ass out of bed on time. Just glanced at her, his blue eyes dark and his lips turned down in a frown. "Yeah... I got up a little early."

And he got up, walked past her and headed down the hall. Kensi watched him, a sinking feeling in her stomach as she watched his stiff back. She felt Sam and Callen's eyes on her, waiting for some kind of explanation. One she certainly didn't have.

"What the hell was that?" Sam grumbled, looking between Kensi and Deeks now empty desk.

"I... I don't know." Kensi mumbled, seating herself at her desk and sipping her coffee.

It was a boring day. No case and nothing ahead of them but paperwork. Deeks had returned twenty minutes after the exchange, seating himself at his desk and silently going over his paperwork. Kensi watched him out of the corner of her eye, wanting to say something, anything to get her partner to say one joke, to tease her or laugh at her.

God, it was a weird, backwards day when she wished for her partner to be irritating.

Sam and Callen didn't even seem to want to push him. It was probably the stiff, angry way his shoulders were set as he read over his paperwork. Or his silence of the bullpen that was usually filled by his voice. And for God knows what reason, Sam and Callen kept turning their eyes to her for guidance in this situation, a silent demand to figure out what was wrong.

What the hell was she supposed to do? She was about as good at this as they were. And she was no Nate.

But Deeks was her partner. He was the guy who had offered his gun to her as a show of trust, the guy who came for her when those Russians took her, one of the only people she had discussed her father's murder with and the one person she had wanted to call when she was sure she was going to die at the hands of her fathers killer. And the man she had a... 'thing' with. It was an unspoken, weird... thing, but it was there and they were both painfully aware of it. Especially Kensi, who struggled with the feelings she had for him daily. She had long ago given up on spending her life with someone else, finding that special someone. Between their job and all that entailed, it seemed nearly impossible to her to find someone. And then he came along.

Made her trust him.

Made her fall for him.

So she gritted her teeth and stepped in front of Deeks as Sam and Callen bid them good night, stopping him with a smile. "You want to get a burger and beer, partner?" She asked, shouldering her bag and watching him closely.

His blue eyes met hers, dark and hallow as he ran his fingers through his hair. "No... uh... I've got plans." He mumbled, giving her a fake smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, Kensi."

She watched him slide around her, rubbing his forehead tiredly and heading toward the door. She paused, watching him for a long moment before jogging to catch up. "Deeks," She sighed, grabbing his arm to stop him, her fingers lingering on the tan skin of his arm before letting go. "Deeks... just... just come over. Something is wrong-"

"I don't want to talk about it." He said, his voice so sharp and quick it made her flinch. "Good night, Kensi."

He might have said 'shut the hell up about it' by the tone of his voice and the way he gave her a hard, dark look. She could only gap at him as he turned, walking stiffly out the door of OPS. She paused, an odd, empty feeling in her chest as he disappeared from sight.

Deeks was a very solid, predictable man that she had come to rely on to be the relief at the end of the day, the person who made her smile and forget about the grisly murders or the threats to their lives that they suffered daily. He made sure, in his own way, that she wasn't alone at the end of the day, but surrounded by him and his jokes and a beer and his mutt off a dog. That at the end of the day she had a friend with her.

And Marty Deeks was her friend. Probably her best friend.

And as her best friend, she knew she wasn't going to be able to go home and just wonder what was wrong.

She turned quickly, heading toward his small house on the beach. She sat in the driveway for a long moment, taking a deep breath before opening the door of her car and heading up the walk. His lights were on, the TV flashing in the living room as she knocked on the door loudly. Monty barked on the other side, coming closer and closer before she heard his paws slam against the door, waiting for his equally scruffy master to answer the door and he could greet the guest with several sloppy kisses to the face.

Deeks face peeked through the certain, looking weary and tired as he looked at her. Not even a smile.

He jerked the door open, holding Monty back by the collar as he stared at her. "Kensi, look I'm not-"

"Deeks, just let me in." She snapped, folding her arms and glaring at him. He blinked at her, looking slightly shocked for a moment. "I... I'm being your friend here. You were there for everything with my dad. So just let me be a friend... or whatever."

He tilted his head at her, giving her the first real smile all day. It was familiar and made her feel just a little bit less worried about him. "Come in... friend." He said, pulling Monty back to open the door enough for her. She entered, grinning as Monty was set loose and launched himself at her, sniffing and licking her hands.

"Hi, boy. Hi, buddy." She smiled, rubbing the dog's ears and earning the low, odd grumble that Monty made when he was happy.

Deeks walked past her, leaving her in his neat, clean living room as he got a couple of beers and handed one of them to her. She took it, taking a swig before seating herself on his couch. He sat next to her, propping his legs up on his coffee table as Monty took the seat on her other side, laying his head on lap and peering up at her happily.

"So... do you want to talk about it?" She mumbled, glancing at him and waiting silently. Deeks glanced at her, giving another small smile as he sipped at his beer.

"Do I have a choice, friend?" He asked, staring at the TV as he flipped through the channels.

"I just... I wanted to make sure your alright." She mumbled, turning to look at him fully and watching his face. He frowned, his eyes filling with a sudden pain. But it passed quickly and so suddenly, Kensi didn't have time to process it fully. "Deeks..."

"I never really fully explained my family life to you." He said after a pause so long, Kensi was sure he wasn't going to open up at all. She watched him take another sip of his beer, staring at the top of it as he gathered himself. "My dad was a real... jackass. That's putting it nicely too." He said, looking at her and giving a bitter smile that made her chest ache. She watched him, waiting patiently. "The thing he loved most in the world was drinking. The drink was first and when he was done with that he like to beat the hell out of my mom and me."

The confession knocked the wind out of Kensi, the air leaving her lungs and pain filling the void. Of course, Deeks had hinted that his father had been a bastard. Some comments here and there about how the old man had hated him or how he had been nothing but a disappointment to his dad. But he had never confirmed how bad his father had been. She almost wanted to stop him, but it was to late now. He was going and if she read him right... he almost wanted to do this.

"Ray was older than me by a couple years and he never really gave me a thought till he noticed the bruises. His dad wasn't much better than mine. He almost had it worse since his mom wasn't around anymore and he was the only one there to take it. When he noticed he kinda... took me under his wing... I guess. Biggest thing he did though... was give me the gun I used to shoot my dad."

"Brandel."

Deeks glanced at her, his lips pursing before he nodded slowly. "Yeah." He muttered, sighing. "He beat the shit out of my mom already. She was crying and all bruised up when he went for the shot gun. She kept begging him to calm down and just put it down. He beat her upside the head with it to shut her up and when she was out cold he turned to me. I barely made it to my room to get the gun. He took one shot but was so drunk he missed. Luckily, I didn't."

Kensi felt sick as Deeks described the events to her, hating the image of a young, kid Deeks, bruised and desperate as he struggled to get protection. It was a horrifying image, one she knew she would never get out of her head.

"Deeks..." She whispered, shaking her head. But he held up his hand, giving her another bitter smile.

"Story isn't over yet." He said and Kensi flinched, unsure how much more she could take. "The cops had been to our house plenty of times before so they knew when they saw me standing over my dad with a gun it was self-protection. Me and my mom went to the hospital, a separate wing from my dad... even though they said he wouldn't be up and ready to go for quite a while." He said, staring at the TV, but she knew he wasn't watching. His jaw clenched suddenly, a look of sudden pain coming over his face. "My mom wouldn't even look at me after they told her what happened. She didn't even ask if I was alright. But she asked about him."

"She asked about your dad... even after..." Kensi clenched her mouth shut, stopping herself before she said something extremely inappropriate about Deeks mother. A sudden, overwhelming anger filled her as she watched Deeks, his eyes sad and far away. "How could she..."

"She wasn't a very strong women. She came from a really shitty family and got knocked up by my dad at 16. Clung to him. I waited and waited for her to leave him when I was little. I asked her all the time but she would say that dad loved us and he was sorry. I was 7 when I figured out that was bullshit." He shrugged, taking a long swig of his beer. "I thought maybe she was scared because he would come for us or because we had no where to go. But turns out she didn't leave because she really loved him. She wouldn't even look at me when I visited her in the hospital. And after we went home and after the court case was over she finally told me what she really thought. She gathered up my stuff one day, took me to my Aunt Mara's and told me she couldn't take it anymore. That I had ruined everything and I was nothing but a mistake. Then she just took off."

There was nothing but the sound of Monty's breathing and the music from some car commercial as Deeks paused. Kensi closed her eyes for a long moment, trying to stop herself from crying. She took a deep breath, steadying herself before reaching out to take Deeks hand. He stopped, turning to look at her and for the first time in the whole story she saw how painful it was for him to tell her this. Saw his own eyes fill with tears, before he quickly blinked them away. But he held onto her hand, squeezing it like a sudden lifeline. "I got a call from a hospital in San Diego. She's got liver cancer. They want me to come in to see if I'm a match. My half siblings I knew nothing about aren't... so I'm all that's left."

"Oh, Deeks." She whispered, pulling his hand closer.

"She's been on the list for years and she's been all right enough to wait, which is why they didn't call me sooner. But she got worse... a lot worse so if I... if I decide to not go and they can't find anyone else... she's dead." He suddenly gave a dark, harsh laugh. "It's up to me to save her again." He gave another laugh, shaking his head and his fingers tightening around the beer bottle so tight she could see the white of his knuckle.

She stared down at their hands, fingers intertwined tightly in her lap. Kensi didn't know what to say, what to do as she watched Deeks struggle over this. Kensi had never been very good with words or emotional situations, even before she had become emotionally scared from her father's murder and being left by a very sick fiance. It was a side effect of being raised by not only a man, but a military one at that. And this horrible childhood Deeks was describing, Kensi could never imagine a life like that. Her father may not have sat down and had long emotional talks with her, but he was loving. He was always quick to brag about Kensi, almost to the point of being embarrassing and he never held back an 'I love you' or a hug. He was a good man, one she worshiped even now. "Marty..." She whispered, drawing his attention back to her, his blue eyes filled with so much pain it overwhelmed her. "What-what are you going to do?"

"I... I don't know. If I don't do anything... I'll have basically killed her. I'll have killed my mom-"

"Deeks, its more complicated than that. I mean... in all honesty... you don't owe her anything."

"She's my mom, Kens." Deeks whispered. "She's still my mom. If you found out your mom needed this before you found out her having an affair was crap... wouldn't you think about doing it? Give it some thought?"

Kensi paused, sighing and running her hand through her hair tiredly. "I... I guess." She said softly, staring down at their hands.

"Even if I get tested and I'm a match, I don't have to say yes right away. I can... think about it."

"So you're going to San Diego? You're going to get tested?"

Deeks sighed, shaking his head. "I'll get that done... but I... I need to talk to her. I need to understand why..."

Kensi stopped him with a squeeze of the hand, scooting closer to lay a hand on his arm. "I just think... that's a good idea. To talk to her first."

Deeks looked at her, taking her in for a long moment. She felt his thumb moving over the skin of her hand, back and forth, back and forth. He seemed to be thinking over something, his brow furrowed and his eyes calculating as they roamed over her face. Any other time Kensi would have laughed and told him not to over do it... he couldn't afford to loose what precious brain cells he had left. "Deeks-"

"Come with me."

She stared at him, pausing to take in the extent of what he was asking. He had said it with such desperation it had caught her off guard. He was asking so much and the prospect of a grueling, emotional weekend with this family he didn't know and had been abandoned by was... scary. But again, this was Deeks. Hadn't he just helped her reconnect with her long lost mother? He had encouraged her to go over to the house, called her after to make sure she was alright.

"Okay."

The words came out of her mouth without a second though. Because when it all boiled down to it, she knew she would follow Deeks anywhere, no questions asked. He had always done it for her, hadn't he?

He leaned back, nodding slowly. "Thank you."

She nodded, stilled fearful, still worried. But when Deeks squeezed her hand gently, his warm palm against hers, connecting them, she knew she could be strong enough for him.

She had to be.

**Let me know what you think!**

**Thanks for reading :))**


	5. Reconnection Part 2

**So this is part two.**

**First off: I'm sorry for how long it took. My internet was down for a week :/ So sorry! Second: I did research on live donor liver transplants and tried to be accurate about the whole process but I'm not sure I got it all right. My info came from the internet and partially from an episode of Grey's Anatomy (where I got the idea)... so forgive me if I got some things wrong :) lol I'm mostly worried about the time line of the whole process. I'm using the excuse that his mom is more sick so they stream lined it. Hey, it's fan fiction people lol**

**Also, this is now going to a part three. This chapter got so long and I can't bring myself to shorten it... soooo sorry guys! lol But I'll make sure to have part three done within 1 or 2 days so that you won't be in anticipation. **

**To SuperDensi427: First off, thank you for reviewing :) secondly, to answer your question, I said in the beginning that some of the chapters weren't going to follow the same time line and if something happens in one chapter, it doesn't mean it is part of the time line of another chapter. I'm just basically writing a bunch of Densi stories... what ever comes to mind lol So this doesn't follow in with the other chapters or other stories. It's just... something that happened. **

After explaining the situation to Hetty, Deeks took some long lunches or left from work early the next week and a half to get several tests done at the local hospital to find out if he was a suitable match for his mothers liver transplant. They took his blood (Kensi poked at the bruise around the area, asking him teasingly if he feinted again), running an MRI and doing several tests to see if he was in perfect physical health to recover from such an extensive surgery. Kensi did her own research on the internet, which she wasn't sure was helping very much when she read how dangerous the surgery was. But Deeks had assured her that the rate of death was low, despite what the internet said and explained what the nurses and doctors told him at the hospital. It made her feel a little better, but she still worried.

They didn't talk about whether or not the surgery would actually happen. They talked over the tests he had done, what the whole thing would entail, but never did they broach the subject of whether or not Deeks would really travel the two hours to have the actual surgery. From Kensi's understanding, Deeks was waiting until he knew he could be a donor or not to actually go over what he was going to do. The thought of facing his mother, siting and talking with her and possibly meeting with his half siblings was just a little to much to take at the moment.

Sam and Callen knew something was up. They had confronted the both of them and each individually, but Kensi never gave anything away and she knew Deeks was giving them some bullshit excuse to cover up what they were really doing. It bugged the two of them and Kensi knew despite Sam's teasing and Callen's annoyance it was because the two of them were actually worried about Deeks. As much as Deeks grumbled about the two of them wanting some gossip, Kensi could tell he knew the two of them were really worried and if she read him right, he was actually happy about it.

When Deeks didn't come in to work one day, Kensi knew immediately what it meant, even before she got the text message. The hospital had told him after the results got back they would meet with him and go over the options. So when Kensi took in his empty desk, she knew what had happened.

_At the hospital. I'm a match. Come over tonight. -Deeks_

Short, simple. But those three words, _I'm a match_, made her stomach clench and worry over take her. She went over every possibility, wondering the whole day whether Deeks would really give his mother part of his liver.

Deeks had sat down with Kensi two weeks before at Hetty's desk, explaining that he would need time off for tests and if he was a match, several weeks to go get the surgery and recover. Hetty had nodded silently, taking in the whole story and then telling Deeks that, of course he could have the time off and Hetty was more than willing to talk with his boss. Deeks had thanked her before he paused, turning to Kensi as if asking yet again if she was really sure about going with him. Hetty noticed, like always, and raised her thin eyebrows and waited for an explanation.

"I... I was going to go with him, when he went to get the surgery." Kensi said slowly, glancing at Deeks and then back at Hetty. Her expression was unreadable and Kensi shifted nervously in her chair. For the billionth time since she had started this job, Kensi couldn't help but wonder how this little old women could scare her so much. "I have several sick days built up. The most time I could see it taking is a week and a half. He would get the surgery and then be in recovery for a while. I would just drive him back and everything."

Hetty nodded slowly again, looking between the two of them for several long moments. "Two missing agents would be very taxing on the team." Hetty said softly, her fingers spread out on the top of her desk. "But a surgery this extensive, I think it would be perfectly understandable to have your partner with you."

Kensi heard Deeks give a sigh of relief that made Kensi's stomach flip. Deeks was _happy_ she was coming. Was relying on her. It was overwhelming and made her extremely happy at the same time.

"Thank you." Deeks said quickly, giving Kensi a bright smile. "Thanks."

Kensi picked up some beers on the way to his house, preparing herself for whatever waited for her on the other side. She wasn't sure how Deeks would react to this whole thing and the decision he had to make was something no person should have to make. She felt extremely sorry for him again but quickly shook it, knowing he wouldn't want her pity. He needed a friend and she would be that for him.

She let herself in, greeted at the door by Monty's sniffing and kisses. She smiled at him, but quickly made her way to the living room, searching for Deeks. "In here."

She turned, following his voice to the kitchen. He wore a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, his hair damp and Kensi could smell the ocean on him. Of course he had gone surfing. It was his way of de-stressing. She smiled at him, setting the beer on the counter and taking the plate of fries and a burger he had gotten her. "Thanks." He said, nodding toward the beer.

"Yep." She said simply, taking a bite of the burger.

"But," He said, taking the lid off the beer and taking a sip, "for future reference you might not want to get beer for someone who is thinking about giving a chunk of their liver to someone though." He gave her a small smile, leaning back against the counter. She smiled back nervously, watching him carefully.

"They said you were a match." She started slowly, watching him taking another, long gulp of his beer.

"Yes, they did. I'm the same blood type, my liver is a perfectly adequate size and I'm in extremely good condition to donate." He said slowly, his voice almost mocking. "I guess I wasn't such a mistake."

Kensi flinched, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath to steady herself. She hated the way Deeks said the words so casually, like he actually believed something as ludicrous as that. "Deeks-"

"I think I'll head up there tomorrow. Early. We might as well get it out of the way." He took another long drink of his beer, finishing it before grabbing another. He jerked the lid open, taking another long gulp as Kensi caught sight of the bottle of scotch on the counter. Her stomach clenched and she reached out, taking the beer from him. He blinked at her, confused and looking a bit irritated.

"Deeks, stop for a minute." She said, setting the beer aside and making him look at her. He sighed, rubbing his face tiredly before staring at her. He looked so angry, so cold that Kensi could hardly recognize her Deeks in his features. She had seen Deeks angry before, but this was entirely different. He looked... wounded. Like a hurt animal that was caged and backed into a corner. "Deeks, are you saying you are agreeing to this? That you're going to go through with an extremely serious surgery and giving... giving _her _your liver?"

"What else is there to do here, Kensi?" He spat, glaring at her before he snatched his beer up again, taking another sip. "Why are you saying it like that? Like I'm an idiot? You've been researching this, telling me to go to my doctors appointments. You bought me some fucking Band-Aids for when they took blood, for God's sake!"

"I'm just wanting you to really think about this, Deeks! They said you could die-"

"I know that! I know that, Kensi! Thank you very much for reminding me!" He snapped, his voice loud and angry. It was a tone Kensi had never heard directed at her and it almost made her want to turn and walk away from him without another word. But she took a deep breath, calming herself enough to realize he wasn't really angry with her.

"I just... this isn't easy Deeks. I understand that. But I..." _I don't want to loose you. _The words were right there, on the tip of her tongue. If Kensi was a different girl, less proud, less scared she would have put herself out there with these simple words. But she bit her tongue, turning away and pulling back a bit. This wasn't about you, she thought. This was about him. "I just want you to talk with her first. This women just... left you. You did more for her than any child should have to do for their parent. She may be your mother, but she doesn't deserve any more from you, Deeks."

Deeks stared at her, his blue eyes pained and bitter. "I don't know if I want to know what she has to say, Kens." Deeks whispered, shaking his head. "My half siblings, their dad wasn't much better than mine. Went to jail for armed robbery and assault. And I know the kids probably didn't report him or put him in jail like I did my dad, but she stuck around with them. Took care of them enough to have them willingly be tested to have their organ taken out and put in her." He stopped, rubbing his face tiredly before looking back at her, shaking his head and spitting out a bitter, angry laugh. She saw the way he struggled with the next words, the way he turned away looking ashamed and hurt. "If she stuck around for them, then something was wrong with me-"

"Deeks, that's not true. That's not..." Kensi shook her head adamantly, taking in Deeks broken face. He looked like a small child suddenly, broken and abandoned. She could easily picture him all those years ago, no more than 12 years old and watching his mother drive away from him without a second thought. Kensi stared at him, fully understanding for the first time in the nearly three years of working with him, how much rejection he had faced. His father, abusive and cold, breaking the young Deeks down until he had been desperate enough to take a gun to his own father. His mother, the one person who would have fully understood his pain from being abused, who had carried him, given birth to him and was supposed to love him unconditionally, had shoved him aside like he was nothing more than an annoyance. Then later as a grown man, hated by his fellow officers. Excluded and looked down upon.

Kensi felt suddenly overwhelmingly sad for Deeks. How many times had she or one of the others teased him about being not up to par for being at NCIS? How many times had they jokingly told him he should go back to the LAPD? Did he know 100% that they were joking? Did he wonder, given the fact that everyone else in his life hadn't wanted him, that they were just the same?

"Deeks," She took a step forward, reaching out to grip his arm, her nails digging into his skin to draw his attention to her, "there is nothing wrong with you. It was her. It was always her. The only good thing that women has ever done was give birth to you."

She pulled him into a hug then, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. She felt his arms wrap around her too, tightly pulling her to him as he buried his face in her hair. She felt the way his body shook, felt the desperate way he held her. She ran her hands up and down his back, comforting him the best way she could. She hoped he understood, prayed that he comprehended how much he meant to her, to their team.

Because to her, Deeks was no mistake.

He was one of the very best things that had happened to her.

* * *

It was obvious, as soon as Kensi laid eyes on Deeks mother, who he got his looks from. Even sickly and wasting away, Kensi could see the similarities between the two of them. Her hair, even thin and limp, was blonde and curly like his, her eyes the same blue, her lips turning into almost the same exact smile. If the women had actually been the mother she was supposed to have been to him, Kensi felt she would of instantly liked her just because of how like Deeks she was.

For a whole half hour Kensi stood next to Deeks at the hospital, watching him stare from a safe distance at his mothers room, his blue eyes taking in all the machines, the white walls, the people. She didn't say anything, didn't push him. Just waited silently by his side, taking the time to study the whole situation for herself.

Deeks had told her that the kids father was still in jail, so Kensi wasn't surprised to not see a man in the room with his mom and the two kids. He had a younger brother and sister, 16 and 14 that waited in their mothers room with her. The oldest, the boy, took after Deeks mother as well and was so strikingly similar to Deeks it was uncanny. It was almost like Kensi was looking at a young, teenage Deeks himself. The only difference was the dark brown eyes and short, cropped hair. The girl had Deeks and their mothers blue eyes, but her hair was a mass of black curls, her skin almost translucent. She was a tiny little thing too, tucked away in a chair so small Kensi almost missed her when taking in everything in the room.

The three of them knew that Deeks was coming. Deeks had informed his mothers doctor that he was coming down to discuss the surgery and talk with his mother and had told him to tell his mother he was coming. It was obvious now, as Kensi watched the three of them, that they were waiting for him. The boy was the most obvious about it, taking to pacing, siting down and getting up moments later and every once in a while moving out into the hall, searching for Deeks almost desperately. The girl was less panicked about it, merely ignoring her brother until he got to the door. As he stood in the hall she stared, looking unsure and almost scared as she waited for him to come back in... alone or with the older brother they were both waiting for.

Deeks mother though, she seemed almost unfazed by the waiting. She often called the boy back, patting her bed and demanding him to sit and wait. Once Kensi saw her mouth that it would be fine, quit, he'll be here soon.

How on Earth was the women so lax, so unfazed with the prospect of facing a son she had up and left nearly 20 years ago? Was she really so heartless? Kensi couldn't help but wonder how someone as good as Deeks could have come from such... fucked up people.

Deeks shifted suddenly, moving for the first time since they had got here. He sighed, turning to look at her. "I... I don't know what to say. How do I go in there? Just walk in and say 'hey mom'?"

"I don't know." She answered truthfully.

Deeks smiled suddenly, catching her off guard. "Didn't you just reunite with your mom, Fern? I brought you here for a little advice. You think I just brought you to buy you some McDonalds breakfast biscuits?"

She laughed, bumping her shoulder with his. "You do owe me for stealing my last recess the other day. And sorry, but the situation is a little different. My mom and I spent the whole night discussing my dads murder and telling each other how sorry we were. I wasn't introduced to some siblings I didn't know I had and she wasn't trying to take my organ... sooo..."

Deeks laughed, shaking his head at her in amusement. It was the first real laugh Kensi had heard from him in such a long time, it felt good to hear. The light hearted exchange didn't last long though. Deeks sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he stared at his mother for a long moment.

"Is it crazy that I missed her?"

The question was so low that Kensi almost lost it in the loud hustle of the hospital hallway. "No. Even when I thought my mother had an affair, even though sometimes I just... _hated _her... I missed her. I wished so much sometimes she would come back and I could have a mom like all the other girls." Kensi muttered, turning to look at him. "I think... I think you just have to go in there. Like ripping off the bandaid. Get it done."

Deeks nodded, the words seeming to give him a sudden burst of courage as he stood, dusting his pants off. "Ripping off the bandaid. Right."

Kensi stood with him, looking between the hospital room and him. "Do you want me to come with you or wait-"

"No. Uh... no. Come with me." He said, glancing at her. She saw then, how scared he really was. He was trying his hardest not to show it, but she saw past the mask. She read him so well now that he could hardly keep anything from her anymore.

She nodded, giving him what she hoped was an encouraging smile. "Okay, partner. Let's go."

He smiled at her, his way of thanking her before he turned, took a deep breath and started across the hospital toward his mothers room. Kensi trailed a step behind him, feeling odd to not have a gun in her hand going into a situation so tense. She knew exactly what to do in situations like that; make sure she had his back and take down the bad guys before they got to them. But this... this was a whole different ball park. They had no weapon against the threat that the small hospital room held. They were both unarmed, scared and raw. And Kensi couldn't stand it.

The boy caught sight of them before they even made it to the door. Kensi supposed it was the determined, nervous look on Deeks face that gave him away. Because the boy seemed to know who he was, moving from his seat in the chair next to his mothers bed to stand between Deeks and his mother and sister, looking almost defensive and angry.

"Are you Marty?" He asked, his arms folded and his jaw set angrily. "You were supposed to be here 45 minutes ago-"

"Back off, Derek." The girl said, her voice surprisingly strong for someone so small. She was standing now and Kensi saw that she was barely a couple inches taller than Nell and even skinnier. It was obvious, from the dark circles under her eyes and how skinny she looked that her mother's sickness had done a real number on her.

Kensi glanced at Deeks, waiting for him to say something, anything. He looked extremely overwhelmed, his blue eyes moving back and forth between the two siblings, a deep fear in his blue eyes. Kensi noticed the way he avoided the sight of his mother, instead focusing everything on his siblings.

"Derek, sit back down. I'm sure Marty just got lost."

Deeks eyes trained on his mothers as soon as his name left her lips, his jaw clenching and his shoulders stiffening as he took her in. Kensi's eyes followed his, watching as his mother smiled at him, almost like she was greeting a friend she hadn't seen in a while. It angered Kensi to her core that the women had the audacity to smile at him like that. Like everything was so fine between them and she hadn't left him all those years ago.

"Marty, it's good to see you."

Oh, God Kensi hated this women. The nerve of her.

Kensi took in the several emotions that flitted over Deeks face so quickly. Anger, pain, fear. He settled into a mask of cold indifference though and when he spoke, Kensi felt a shifter run up her spine at the hardness of his tone.

"Joyce."

His mother's face broke then and Kensi viewed for the first time a look of pain on the women's face. But the emotion was gone as quickly as it came, that smile back on her face. The boy, Derek, was seething in the corner, shifting on his feet and his face turning red in anger. He was watching Deeks with a look of pure loathing, a feeling Kensi couldn't quite understand.

"God, I hardly recognized you." His mother whispered, smiling and shaking her head. "You... you look so different. And is this... is this your wife?"

Deeks didn't seem to know what to say to this. He glanced at Kensi, his eyes almost pleading before he turned back to his mother. Kensi watched his jaw clench and unclench before he gave a shrug. "Look, Joyce... I just want to talk-"

"God, just stop with this shit!" Derek burst out suddenly, his voice booming in the silent little room. "Who cares what he looks like, who cares about his stupid wife-"

"Derek!" Joyce cried, leaning up in her bed, her eyes wide and frantic as she looked between Deeks and her son. "Derek, just stop-"

"No, mom! He's here to make you better! That's all he's here for. So call the doctor and get this shit fixed!" Derek snapped, his face turning a bright red as he glared at Deeks, who looked alarmed and pained as he watched the teenager glare at him with such hatred. "Just do this shit and go back to where every you came from, alright?"

Deeks stared at him, his eyes dark as he took in the younger man. "This isn't easy for anyone, okay? I just... I need to talk to her and then we'll talk to the doctors-"

"They said you were going to do this." Derek snapped, taking a step forward. "So what the hell is there to talk about? What do you need-"

"Derek-" Joyce sighed, looking helpless and fearful as she took in her two sons. Leah looked just as helpless, her dark eyes moving between the two of them nervously.

"This is complicated." Deeks started, his voice surprisingly calm as he ran his hands through his hair. Kensi lay her hand on his back, reminding him silently she was still there, still here for him. She watched his shoulders loosen and felt him lean back into her hand.

"No," Derek said, giving Deeks a mocking smile as he took another step forward, a mere foot away from Deeks. He was only a couple inches shorter and the similarities between the two of them was even more blaring when they were so close. "No, it's not. She gets a chunk of your liver and then you leave. Simple as that."

Derek stalked past Deeks then, his shoulder hitting his harshly as he passed. Deeks took the blow, sighing and closing his eyes tightly as the boy stomped out of the room.

"Look... maybe we should come back." Kensi said softly, her hand pressing into Deeks back as he opened his eyes and turned to look at her. "We'll come back in a little bit and-"

"No!" Joyce cried, her eyes filling with tears as she clenched her bed sheets. "No... no Marty you wanted to talk, so-"

"No... I need..." Deeks sighed, shaking his head. "I'll come back in a bit. Without the kids. I'll just... I'll be back."

Kensi watched Deeks turn, moving out the door quickly and she followed right away. He stalked down the hall, the opposite way that Derek had gone Kensi noted, his face pale and his hands shaky. "Deeks-"

He seemed to remember she was there with him then, slowing down and turning toward her. "Deeks, I'm sorry-"

"It's fine." He said quickly, his jaw clenching down. "I just... I wasn't expecting that."

"I don't know what his problem was but-"

"Kens can you..." Deeks sighed, rubbing his face and grabbing for his wallet suddenly. "Go back to the hotel, okay?" He pulled out his credit card, handing it to her. She stared at it, confusion and pain filling her as she watched him.

"Deeks..."

"Kensi, please. I just... I need some time. I just..." He paused, meeting her eyes before pressing the credit card and keys in her hand. "I'm going to talk to her and then I'll be back. So... please."

She bit her lip, torn between staying here with him and going back like he wanted. She could see in his face how upset he was, so she nodded, gripping the card and keys. "Okay." She whispered, sighing. "Call me if you want me to come back, okay?"

He gave her a gentle smile, leaning over suddenly to press a kiss to her forehead. The feel of his lips on her forehead, burning her skin before he pulled away. "Thank you, Fern." He said softly, giving her another smile.

Despite herself, Kensi felt her cheeks burn red as she gave him a jerky nod. "Y...yeah." She said.

He turned then, shoving his hands in his pockets before heading down the hall and around the corner, leaving her alone.

**Thanks for reading :)) Let me know what you think! Again, I'll have part 3 done in two days tops :))**


	6. Reconnection Part 3

**Part 3 :) Hope you like it! Thanks to all of you who reviewed, alerted and favorited!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS LA. :(**

Pace, sit, stand. Pace again. Stare at the wall.

Deeks repeated these movements for a good 20 minutes after Kensi left for the hotel. As his nervousness grew he almost wished he hadn't sent Kensi away.

What the hell was he thinking, coming here and bringing up all this crap? He had done all he could to get over his past, leave it behind and make sure he became a better man than his father, a better person than his parents. What he went through hurt, it was painful, but he got over it. Used his own pain to push him to be a better cop and put away the bad one's. While it helped him to be a better cop, a better person he put it in the past. He moved on from it. He would have never come here and met with his mother, bringing up all his old pain and, as Nate would term it 'abandonment issues'.

He should have never stepped foot in that room. He should have stayed in LA with the team and Kensi. He should be watching a movie on his couch with her, Monty's head on his lap and a beer in his hand. Not here, bringing up old wounds.

"I'm sorry... about Derek."

Deeks turned, surprised at the sight of the younger girl, Leah. His... sister. The term still blew his mind.

She was watching him cautiously, her arms folded and her face nervous as she took him in. "He's not usually like that. He's just really upset... about mom and-"

"Its fine." Deeks muttered, his voice sharper than he intended. Leah flinched, her pale cheeks reddening as she looked at her feet. "I'm sorry. I'm just..."

"It's okay." Leah said softly, moving forward slowly and seating herself a couple chairs away. Her fingers twitched nervously over her knees before she looked back at him again. "Derek volunteered to give mom his liver right off the bat. He told them he didn't even need counseling. He just wanted mom to get better and I was only twelve so I wouldn't have been able to yet. And then they told him he wasn't a match." She paused, picking at her jeans and frowning. "I couldn't have back then anyway but I had them test me anyway. Just to see if I could later if she didn't get a donor before then. I wasn't either. That was two years ago."

"I know this has probably been hard on you guys. I'm sorry for that." Deeks said softly, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Leah watched him, her face unreadable. "But... the relationship I have with her is a lot different from what you guys appear to have."

"I'm not trying to give you some sob story to make you do this." Leah said quickly, shaking her head and sighing. "She didn't tell us about you until about 3 weeks ago. Derek has been doing everything he could the last three years to get her a new liver or make sure she's getting better. Worked with the doctors, tried to track down other relatives that would donate, made sure she had the right meds. He quit school this year just so he can work another job. Mom was furious but he wouldn't hear it." Leah glanced at him, her blue eyes filled with sudden tears. "And then we come here one day and the doctors tell us she started puking blood and had a seizure. Despite everything Derek did she got worse. Then he says they were calling you to see if you were a match and that's how we find out about you. From the doctor." Leah shook her head, her small fist clenching. "And you were a match. Derek tried to get her to explain why she never called you before and what happened but she wouldn't say. So to Derek... you're some guy that has been no where all our lives and you can suddenly save her. You could do what he couldn't."

Deeks sighed, closing his eyes and running his hands over his face slowly. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I didn't know she was sick. I haven't talked with her since I was 12."

Leah nodded slowly, sniffing and wiping at her eyes quietly. "Mom said she never said anything about you because she didn't think you would come. But when she said you haven't been in touch since you were twelve, I knew it didn't have anything to do with what _you_ did." Leah shrugged, glancing at him. "I don't... I don't know if I want to know what she did either. I don't know how you feel about her... but she's still my... my mom." Leah's voice broke, her eyes filling with tears again. She turned away, taking a moment to gather herself.

Deeks felt a mixture of anger and pain as he turned away from Leah, staring at the wall instead. The world just loved kicking him in the ass. Giving him the shittiest parents. Leaving it to him to save his mother from his drunken father. Then leaving her life in his hands years after she abandoned him. And here he was, listening to this little girl practically spelling it out that his mom had been the mother he never got to her and her brother. Even with all the crappy things his parents did to him in the past, he had built a good life back in LA without them. He was a good cop, he had a good thing at NCIS, good surf, a good dog. And Kensi. He had his Kensi. So why on Earth did he have to be siting at this hospital with this young girl that was supposedly his sister? Listening to her sad story about a mother he never knew?

"Leah..." He said softly, "I'm not going to lie to you. I don't know what I'm going to do. To say things are complicated between the two of us... is putting it very lightly." He sighed, reaching out to touch her shoulder as she sniffed again. She stiffened under his touch, but after a moment she leaned into his hand. "I'm glad... that you and your brother got to have the... right kind of relationship with her. I'm glad she was good to you. But that wasn't... that wasn't that case with me. So I need to talk with her and then we'll see what's going on." He squeezed her shoulder again, pulling back slowly. "That's all I can give you right now."

She took another deep breath before looking over at him, nodding. "She was really that bad?"

Deeks ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "It... it was a bad situation all around. Things could have been handled differently..." He shrugged, quickly turning away and standing. He felt her eyes on him, watching him steadily. "I'm going to talk to her, okay?"

Leah nodded, looking small and scared and for a moment Deeks felt a bit protective of the small girl with her pale skin and red eyes. Just a child... only a few years older than him when he was left alone. "Thank you. For even considering it." She whispered.

He nodded, giving her a small smile before turning and heading back toward his mothers room. He paused before opening the door, glancing around the room before his eyes falling on the sick women in the bed.

She looked older, even under the sickness, than he remembered. Wrinkles where they weren't before, grey in her hair. Whether all that was from the years or the sickness... he wasn't sure. She was still battered, though in a far different way. Sickness was beating her body down now instead of a drunken man's fist. She was so thin and pale, her eyes yellowing and dark circles under her eyes. She was so different from the last time he had seen her. He could see her angry face in front of him now, that scar from the shot gun being bashed into her head still new and fresh and the hard line of her lips as she told him he was a mistake.

Just like that he felt like a little kid again, filled with pain and confusion as he watched his mom drive away and felt his Aunt's hand on his shoulder. He cried in bed that night, his face buried in his pillow so his aunt wouldn't hear him. He knew his mom was angry, knew she was hurt but he was so sure when his father was really gone she would see what he did for them. That he saved them. He had been so sure.

"Marty." She whispered, leaning up with what looked like a great effort. "I thought... I thought you would leave."

He shrugged, glancing at the several machines attached to her. "I said I wanted to talk."

She nodded slowly, fear in her eyes as she stared at him. "Okay. We should talk. It's been so long." She said, giving him a nervous smile. "I never... I never got your wife's name-"

"Stop, okay? We both know that's not what I want to talk about." He said, taking a seat and meeting her eyes. "Why... why tell me now? Why call me now and ask me for this? You've been sick for years. Leah told me everything Derek has had to do."

She closed her eyes, her thin hands shaking in her lap. "I never wanted to ask you. I thought... I thought I would get a donor and you wouldn't have to be involved in all of this. But things changed-"

"You didn't want me around. I get that. You made that clear a long time ago-"

"Oh, Marty, no!" She sighed, shaking her head. "Marty... I was so stupid for what I did to you. It took me a long time to realize how... selfish I was. Even after I had Derek and Leah... I still wasn't in a good enough place to understand how horrible I was. Then their dad did what he did." She shook her head, glancing over at him sadly. "I realized how stupid I had been. Staying around Gordon as long as I did, keeping you there and then... leaving you. You were just a little boy," her voice cracked, tears filling her eyes as she covered her mouth. "You were barely a boy and you had to do what you did. I should have saved you... not the other way around. I was just so afraid of being alone. I'm sorry, Marty, I'm so sorry."

Deeks turned away from her, taking a deep breath and blinking back the tears. It was all the words he had dreamed of hearing for so long, but years after they were due. In a way it was nice, to know that she felt bad, that she suffered like he did. But it didn't heal anything, didn't make him feel complete and whole. "You could have come back. You could have looked for me-"

"I was scared, Marty. That you would hate me. It was what I deserved." She mumbled. "I was so scared of facing you and all that I did."

"And me? It was okay for me to go years thinking neither of my fucking parents gave a damn about me? That to my dad I was only a punching bag and to my mom I was nothing a _mistake _that saved her life!" His voice was raising now and he felt the anger he was trying to control spill over, filling him, seeping into his whole being. Even as her hands shook and the tear made it's way down her cheek he couldn't stop. There was just to much... "I had to shoot my own father. At _eleven. _Because he decided to take a shot gun and knocked you so hard upside the head you were out cold. He shot at me. Barely missed. I saved your life! And the first thing you ask for at the hospital is to see him!"

She covered her mouth, more tears falling as she listened to him. "You looked me right in the face and told me I was a mistake. Basically told me you wished I never existed-"_  
_

"I know! I know, Marty but-"

"Everything I've ever done in my life was to make sure I didn't end up being like him. Or like you. I went to college, law school. On my own. I'm a good cop and I have a good life. Good people. None of that was because of you." He snapped, taking a deep breath to steady himself and ran his hand through his hair before looking back at her. She bit back a sob, her blue eyes wide and pained as she watched him. "And you call me here to save your life again. What's going to happen if I do it this time, mom?"

"Marty, I never called you here to ask you to do this." She sobbed, wiping her tears away. "I never wanted you to do this for me. I only wanted to talk to you. In case I..."

Deeks stopped, staring at her and taking in the extent of what she was saying. "In case you died." He finished, rubbing his face tiredly and shaking his head. "And now that the kids know that I'm a match? I'm just supposed to make up with you and then walk away while you die and leave those kids?"

"I didn't... I didn't know you would be a match, Marty. I just wanted you here! I know... I know this wasn't how I should have done things. But Marty I needed... I just needed to tell you that I was stupid. And I didn't mean it, what I said. You were never a mistake, sweetie." She paused, reaching out her hand to gently lay it on his arm. He flinched, fighting the urge to rip his arm away. He wasn't sure why he didn't. Despite what she was saying, despite what she was doing, he was still so angry, so hurt. But he couldn't. He couldn't help the fact that this comfort from his mother, he had always wanted it. "You were always such a good kid. And law school, a cop. I'm so proud of who you became. And I still love you, Marty. I've always loved you, baby."

He closed his eyes, a tear slowly slipping down his cheek. He felt her skinny fingers, the soft skin of her palm against his cheek suddenly, brushing away the stray tear gently. "I'm so sorry, baby." She whispered as another tear fell. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

It was like Kensi was waiting just behind the door, jerking it open the second after he knocked with wide eyes and worry all over her beautiful features. She took him in, a small, nervous smile on her face as she stepped aside and let him into her room.

"I got food, in case you forgot to eat. And I put all your things in your bedroom-"

She was cut off when he grabbed her waist, pulling her to him and burying his face in her hair. She smelled so familiar and welcoming... strawberries and mint and something just so... Kensi. He felt her hesitate for just a moment before her arms were around him, holding him tightly around the waist. It felt so good, so right.

"You had a lot of cheetos, didn't you?" He whispered in her ear, smiling as she burst into laughter, leaning back to punch him lightly on the arm.

"Shut up." She mumbled, smiling sheepishly as he grinned at her. "I was hungry earlier. It was one of the things I bought at walmart."

He nodded, taking in the three bags of what he was sure was junk food and the empty family sized bag of cheetos in the trash can. "Worried about me, Fern?" He asked, his tone light but he saw the way the words effected her. Her smile faded just a bit, her shoulders slumping as she watched him.

"Did you... talk with her?" She asked softly, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. He sat down next to her, nodding slowly. He heard the intake of breath from her, saw the hard edge in her eyes. "What did she say?"

"She said she doesn't want me to give her anything. That she only... only asked me here so that she could talk with me."

Kensi's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her lips pursing as she processed this information. "She... she doesn't want you to donate..."

"Nope. She just wanted to apologize for everything that happened and wanted me to know she didn't mean what she said. She wanted to tell me that... in case she died."

Kensi sighed, shaking her head. "God. Do you believe her?"

Deeks stared at the television, watching some preview for the Office flash in front of him as he mauled over the loaded question.

"Yeah. She told me... she told me to leave after she said what she had to. Told me to go home and not to worry about her. She seemed serious. And I think... I think she meant what she said. About everything that happened between us."

He felt Kensi's fingers wrap around his, tightening reassuringly just like she did several weeks before when he told her all of this. "So... are you okay? Do you feel better?"

He felt Kensi's warm palm against his, the roughness of her fingers and he remembered the way his mother's hand felt against his. Remembered the way she cried. The way she had comforted him. "It doesn't fix everything. She still left me all these years... but its nice knowing she... she's sorry."

He felt Kensi's eyes on him and even though he didn't look at her, he could picture the protective way she was watching him. He could feel the way she was struggling with still being furious with his mother and trying to wrap her head around the fact that he was now somewhat okay with her. "Marty," She whispered, a hint of fear in her voice, "you're going to have the surgery, aren't you?"

He turned to look at her now, taking in the fear on her face and marveling in the fact that Kensi Blye was actually showing him how scared she was. Scared for him. He squeezed her hand now, hoping to reassure her. "Yeah." He whispered, giving her a crooked smile. "Leah... she's a good kid. And Derek, he quit school to get another job to support them and he tried to donate the minute they found out she was sick. He... he was angry because I could do what he couldn't. They love her. A lot. And just... just because I didn't have the right relationship with her doesn't mean I should just walk away and let them loose their mom."

Kensi nodded slowly, her eyes roaming over his face as she stared at him, her face unreadable. "God, Deeks." She whispered, but her voice wasn't mocking or hurtful. She sounded almost amused, tilting her head at him before leaning over and pressing a light, sweet kiss to his cheek. It was lingering and he couldn't help the happiness from overtaking him. She leaned back after, her mismatched eyes cautious as she stared at him. "Deeks..."

And then her lips were on his, scared and unsure at first, something so unlike her. He encouraged her though, moving his hand to her neck, feeling the soft skin of her neck and deepening the kiss.

This felt... amazing. After the day he had, dealing with all of the pain of his past, to come back to Kensi and have her comfort him, kiss him, it made this all worth it. The elation he felt now, so different then the old pain he felt earlier, was coursing through him, filling him.

"Kensi..." He breathed when she slowly pulled away. He pressed his forehead against hers, not able to control the smile that came over his face. "I guess I should donate organs to estranged family members more often, if this is what I get."

She laughed, her fingers running through his hair gently. "I don't think you have to go that far." She smiled, closing her eyes when he pressed another kiss to her jaw.

"You saying you'll kiss me some more, Fern?"

His voice was light, teasing but he pulled back to watch her reaction. He could see she saw the deeper meaning behind the question, saw the way her mind went over everything that was going on. They both knew how the other felt. It was obvious, this 'thing' they had. They both knew about it, tip toed around it but never acted or discussed it. But now they were kissing on her hotel bed and he knew there was no ignoring it after this.

"I guess it wouldn't be to bad. It wasn't as terrible as I thought."

Deeks grinned at her, pressing a soft kiss to her lips again. "You thought about it, Kensi? Dirty girl."

She laughed again, her eyes bright and happy as she murmured a shut up before grabbing him and kissing him again.

* * *

"I can tell what you're thinking. And when the drugs kick in, Kensi, I'll turn around so you can see how cute my butt is."

Kensi shot him a glare, her lips pursed to keep from smiling. "You're an idiot." She said, her lips twitching upward as she sat down next to his bed. She reached out, taking his hand in hers and he eagerly wrapped his fingers around hers.

"Remember Kensi, there are others at the hospital... so leave some of that crappy food in the vending machines for the others. Besides, I put like four twinkies in your purse and some chocolate too just in case-"

"Shut up before I hit you." She snapped, her nails digging into his hand as punishment.

"You'll thank me after." He said, grinning at her cheekily. She shook her head, grinning in amusement before scooting closer.

"They said it was only 6 hours or so, right?" She asked for Deeks was sure the millionth time. He'd watched her drill the doctor in the hallway, her arms folded and her voice sharp as she glared at him. He almost laughed when the doctor shifted uncomfortably, excusing himself when Kensi had paused to take a breath. He'd scurried away so fast Deeks had to wonder if Kensi had threatened him with her gun.

"Yes." He said, gently squeezing her hand. "It's gonna be fine Kens. Gotta good doctor. You drilled him on his schooling and how long he's been doing this already, I'm sure." He watched her shrug sheepishly, shifting in her seat. He only smiled at her. "It'll be fine." He repeated, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead.

"Okay." She muttered, shifting in her chair before squeezing his hand again. "I'll be there when you wake up. And I'll call Hetty and the others-"

A knock interrupted her, bringing both their attention to the door. Derek shifted nervously in the doorway, looking torn between coming in and walking out. Leah looked calmer and slightly more happy to be there, walking into the room quickly and giving Deeks a smile. Kensi glanced at him, her eyebrows raised as Leah stopped at the end of the bed.

"I'll go call the team." Kensi said, giving Deeks a smile as she stood.

"You don't have to leave." Leah said quickly, but Kensi shook her head, smiling at the young girl.

"Its fine. Nell has been texting me every five minutes anyway." She said, leaning down to press a kiss to Deeks cheek. "I'll see you after."

"Remember the twinkies, Fern." He called out as she walked past Derek. She threw him another glare as she exited, already dialing the number. He turned his attention to Derek and Leah after Kensi left, watching in amusement as Leah urged Derek forward, a stern look on her young face.

"Derek wanted to say something." She said, giving her brother a glare as he sighed, folding his arms across his chest and frowning. "Derek," Leah snapped, sounding far older than 14.

"Look, I'm sorry. For how I was the other day. Whatever." Derek grumbled, throwing his sister a glare.

"Derek-" Leah sighed, shaking her head at him. He opened his mouth to snap back at her before Deeks interrupted the two, his amusement growing.

"It's fine." He said quickly, watching as both of them quieted and turn toward him. "It's a stressful situation all around. It's all right, man."

Derek stared at him for a long moment, looking slightly confused before he tore his eyes off of Deeks, taking to stare at his feet instead. "Mom told us what happened. How your dad was and what you did for her." Derek glanced at him, something that almost looked like respect in his eyes. "Just... thanks for doing this, I guess."

Deeks nodded, shifting in his bed. He felt slightly groggy now, his head light and he knew the drugs were kicking in. "You're welcome... I guess." He responded, smiling at Derek. He returned it, somewhat less enthusiastically, but as far as things went Deeks considered it progress.

"If you want, we can come see you after too. If it's okay..." Leah said nervously, smiling at him. "I mean, I know you'll probably want to be with your girlfriend-"

"No, that's fine." Deeks said quickly, watching Leah's smile brighten and he felt a large amount of affection for the young girl. He didn't know how things would be with his mother after this. There was so much pain and hurt there, he wasn't sure if they would ever be able to get past everything, but he knew he would keep in contact with his siblings at the very least. He wasn't sure how Derek would feel about that, but he would at least give it a try. "You can come by. Might be a little high on the drugs, but I think that'll be a good time for everyone."

Leah laughed, smiling happily. Even Derek looked amused or at least slightly less uncomfortable. "Okay!" She said, nodding. "Okay, we'll come by then."

She came around the bed then, leaning over and wrapping her thin arms around him. "Thank you." She whispered as he returned the hug. He smiled at her when she pulled back, nodding.

"Excuse me." Deeks glanced at the door, seeing a female nurse smiling politely at the three of them. "We're ready to take you to the OR."

Deeks nodded, giving Leah another smile and nodding toward Derek. "I'll see you when we're done, alright?"

Leah nodded, smiling at him again as the nurse came over, unhooking some of the machines and adjusting his bed. Derek followed Leah out of the room, giving him one last look before exiting his room. "Ready to go?" The nurse asked, giving him a bright smile. He nodded, laying back against the pillow before she wheeled him out of the room.

* * *

"I bought all the groceries you wanted, I fed Monty and I got you several movies, so I think your set for the day." Deeks watched as Kensi looked around his apartment, her eyebrows furrowed as she mentally went over the list of things she had sent up for him for the day. "I'll come over during lunch and I'll bring it so-"

"You're so cute when you worry about me." Deeks grinned, chuckling when she gave him one of her deadly glares.

"Just don't move around to much. Remember to take your meds. If it hurts to much, call the hospital like they said. And don't be stupid about what you think you can do-"

"No surfing then?" He asked, interrupting her before she could snap at him. "I got it, Kens. I'll stay on the couch all day. I have a bottle to pee in so I don't have to go all the way to the bathroom. I've got this."

"Don't be gross." She snapped, wrinkling her nose before he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "Just... call me if you need anything."

"I will." He promised, wrapping his arms around her. She barely hugged him, her arms wrapping around him gingerly to avoid hurting his healing wound and he almost laughed in amusement. The irony of Kensi 'you take me to the hospital and I'll kill you' Blye ordering him to call his doctor and take it easy was far to funny. But he loved how worried she was for him. She was actually cleaning his house for him... probably far better than she had ever cleaned her own.

"I think that's everything so-"

Her cell phone rang and she sighed, taking it out of her pocket. Deeks saw Callen's number flashing on the front and he gave her an amused smile when she looked at him almost apologetically. "Go, Kens. I'm fine. Swear."

"But-"

"Go, before you're fired, partner." He said, giving her another quick kiss before she answered the phone. She watched him slowly lower himself on the couch as she assured Callen she would be there in ten minutes. He nodded at her, waving as she slowly headed toward the door. He heard her still talking with Callen as the door snapped shut. Monty was quickly at his side when she left, laying down next to him.

Leah and Derek had come to his room after he had woken up, like they had promised. They had been greeted by a very doped up Deeks as well as Kensi, Callen, Sam and Nell. They had driven up after they got off work, to Deeks surprise. Nell had filled his room with a couple balloons, some flowers and a cute little bear. Deeks had told Hetty she could tell the team what he was in San Diego for, but he hadn't expected them to come up themselves. It was a nice surprise. Even if Sam and Callen teased him about telling Sam how much he loved him when he was high.

He'd seen his mother once before he left. It was an awkward goodbye before he left, where she spend most of the time crying and thanking him. He had assured her he would check in every once in a while, which seemed like a bit less than she wanted, but she had took what he was willing to give. Leah had eagerly given him their home phone and address as well as her cell phone before he left, hugging him around the middle tightly when he promised to give her a call. Derek was less eager, but he shook Deeks had before he left, thanking him again. Deeks made a mental note to send some money down when he could and try to get Derek back in school.

It was odd, having this option to get close with a family he never knew he had. He had given up on something like this so long ago, but the more he thought about it, the more time he spent with Leah and Derek the more he wanted it. His mother and him had several years of baggage to work through, but Leah and Derek... they were good kids and he liked them quite a bit. He knew no matter where he and his mother were in their relationship, he wasn't going to be able to walk away from the two kids.

He had a family. A real blood family now and the fact still overwhelmed him a bit. But he couldn't say he wasn't happy about it. It was new and he would have to learn how to deal with a real family, but he was willing. And he had this new, amazing thing with Kensi. He knew it was still new and fresh and Kensi still had her worries, but he had a good feeling about it. Just like Leah and Derek, he knew he could never willingly walk awake from Kensi. The women had him wrapped around her finger from day one.

He reached for his phone before turning the TV on, searching through his contacts before finding the number. The phone rang a couple times before she answered.

"Hey, Marty!"

"Hey, Leah. How are you?"

**Please review! Thanks lovely readers :)**


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